A miracle given to me. (The beginning of our journey)
I was almost 23 weeks pregnant when the Dr wanted me to see a specialist. I went in with my mother a few days later for a more detailed ultrasound. I could tell with the way the Dr was looking at the screen it was bad. I just looked at him in tears and asked. How bad is it Dr.? He took a second and then said, I am so sorry, you have a damaged fetus. And its bad. He then told me nothing was moving. That my son was not able to move his head, mouth, legs , arms . NOTHING. I told him, Dr I feel my son moving how is it that he is not kicking me. He said he was finding a neurological muscular issue. Moments later he said Im very sorry, but with you being so far along I need to know today if you are wanting to abort the pregnancy. One second I am looking at my beautiful child in fear, and the next I was on the floor in tears. And asking my own mother, what do I do? All I could say was my baby, my poor baby.....
It was like a bad dream that wasn't going away. They had the chaplain, and counselor come in to help me make this difficult decision. I told them I needed to go home and would come again tomorrow.
I called later that day asking for a second opinion, for I just couldn't let my child's life go. But still struggled with what was best for my son. I went in the next day and spoke with another specialist. He then told me Im so sorry but from what we are seeing it is telling us that your son will not be capable of breathing on his own. That his brain isn't telling his muscles to do the right things. That he will most likely be put on breathing machines and only live a short life. They also said they expect him to be paralyzed and unable to move anything. I was as you can imagine devastated. I wanted what was best for my baby. I couldn't imagine bringing him into this world to suffer and die a short terrible death. I was so scared and so lost. I felt inside like I needed somebody to be the mother just for a moment and make this hard choice for me. I couldn't I just didn't feel like my heart could be able. Our baby was so alive and safe inside and all I wanted is to hold onto him forever. The councilor and doctors tried to tell me making this choice would be a choice of love and that I would be making the best decision for my baby. I started believing them and thinking this was the best choice for my son. So I told them ok we will follow thru with delivering today. So I went into the rm and sobbed in my husbands arms. As we waited for the Dr. to come in I looked at my husband and asked is this best choice are we making the right decision for our baby boy. He looked at me trying to be strong for us both and said I believe we are hunny. So the Dr. came in and as he is getting things ready and the tears streamed down my face I just kept thinking my baby, I want my baby. And at that moment my son began kicking me so very hard. I swear he was telling me Mommy I am here alive and well pls. let me decide if I live or die. Please let me be here with you as long as I can. I at that moment said, I can't I am sorry please stop don't do this. It was a very long and hard journey from that day till my due date. Every Dr. visit every ultrasound was so emotional. I didn't know how to love something so much and lose it before I had the chance to really have it. How do you say hello and good bye in the same moment. I struggled with my courage and prayed daily for strength and courage for the road ahead.
Due date. Sep.7th 2010 I was walking into the hospital holding my mothers hand knowing this was the hardest journey any of us has ever faced
It was about 7 Am and my C-section was scheduled at 10:30AM I got into my rm and had the sweetest nurse taking care of me. They have special nurses when they expect the outcome to be death. She was amazing giving me courage in every moment of my fear.
before I knew it, it was 10:30 and they were ready for me to walk back into the surgery rm. I looked at the hall ahead of me and my nurse said "come on hun lets do this, lets meet that precious boy". I started walking toward the rm and stopped I told her"Im sorry I have to go back I need to pee". She smiled and looked at me saying "Your not going back my dear" You are strong and you can do this". So I went in to the rm and they started the procedure. I was so scared and all I wanted was to kiss the cheeks of my angel. Moments later I heard my sons beautiful strong voice. He cried so loud for the whole world to hear. They had told me earlier to be prepared that he probably wouldn't be strong enough to cry. He did, he cried and cried. The most beautiful sound any mother ever heard. I was yelling out with unstoppable tears he is crying do you hear him. For I knew at that moment my baby was strong and very alive at that moment he was fighting and was amazing all the Dr.s They gave me a quick glance at my precious boy and took him in what is called the R room it the resuscitation rm were they had a team waiting expecting to hook him up to machines. About 15 min. later What felt like forever. They finally finished closing me up and rolled me into the room to see him. he cried the whole time until they gave him his first bottle witch he was more than happy to have. Not only was my baby strong and breathing. But he was eating. When I saw him all I could think was he is so perfect. Other than his arms unable to bend they couldn't find anything wrong with my baby. So they later took an MRI and it came back perfect. And then diagnosed him with Arthrogryposis. The Dr came in later and said well we were wrong and I am so glad we were.